The Surprising Benefit Of Dating Someone Who Isn’t Your Type

It is human nature to categorize — this innate tendency to sort things and people into separate groups is not only essential to making sense of the world but to arrive at complex decisions. Probably because of this most of us have a certain type when it comes to love and dating. And yet the human heart being what it is can surprise by falling for someone you would have never imagine yourself attracted to. What is a type When it comes to dating, most people have a type in mind — a certain kind of person they are generally attracted to. This is usually made up of a cumulative of physical characteristics like a certain height or no pot-belly, personality traits like confidence or a sense of humor as well as some common interests and values. To this could be added certain deal-breakers like smoking or past felony. Having a type helps one to eliminate potential partners you assume you will not be compatible with.

Is It OK To Date Someone You’re Not Attracted To?

By Hannah Sparks. July 7, pm Updated July 7, pm. The findings were published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. Researchers explained their experiment in everyday terms — from the perspective of ordering food at a restaurant.

“I met my girlfriend on a beach trip with my friends last summer,” says Joe, “​She’s not someone I usually would have gone for, but there was.

Stanley Gaines does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. Recent work has suggested that we do have go-to preferences when it comes to demographic and physical characteristics such as education, age difference, hair colour, and height.

However, no previous research has provided strong evidence that we consistently seek a particular personality type across partners. Over nine years, the researchers tracked the relationship status of these people, who had to pop the rather unusual question to partners of whether they would mind filling out the same personality questionnaire for the good of science.

After nine years and thousands of questionnaires, the researchers ended up with participants who had been in relationships with at least two different romantic partners who were both happy to participate in the study. The results showed that the current partners of participants described their personalities in ways that were similar to former partners. In most cases, similarity was only tested across two partners, but for the 29 participants who had more than two willing partners, the results were the same.

The research showed that the personalities of the partners were not only similar to each other, but to the participants themselves. Seeking out a little of yourself in your partners may help explain why our own personalities tend to be relatively stable when interacting with friends and loved ones. Participants who scored highly in openness to experience and extroversion were much less likely to choose partners with similar personalities to both ex-partners and themselves.

So while our relationships can entrench who we think we are, if we are willing to step outside of what we know, they also offer the opportunity to discover new ways of seeing the world.

9 Interesting Things That Happen When You Date Someone Who Isn’t Your Type

Dump the checklist and go with your gut, a relationship writer advises. I like doctors; I once wanted to become one. I’m also drawn to European.

If you are single or dating (basically anyone not in a monogamous relationship), then you may be able to do a little something with this advice I’m.

And yet the problem was, my predilection for emotionally unsympathetic men with commitment issues and big arms and good hair was never apparent to me. It was a hard no for me. What could we possibly have in common? For weeks I ignored his attempts at plan-making. I swiped away his sweet messages and turned up my nose at the lack of boxes he checked off. She told me that a lot of our issues with type-casting our partners is that we get warm feelings for things that are familiar—despite the fact that familiar is not always synonymous with good.

Once I understood this and saw Mr. Not the Same again, things changed. His differences registered as attributes. His individuality was not out-of-line, but, rather, intoxicating. Giving him a second chance was more than a second date, it was ending a non-functioning cycle of insanity in my life. My new response to this person who seemed so far from the type with whom I thought I was meant to be, felt incredibly evolved and progressive.

The more time I spent with him, the more my perception of compatibility expanded.

“I dated outside of my type and this is what happened”

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He definitely wasn’t someone I found attractive, but then one day he walked into class late This guy was definitely not my type, and yet there was just some X-​factor about him Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web.

Last Updated: March 29, References. This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 12, times. Learn more Most people have a type, whether it be good or bad. If you find yourself deviating from your type, this can be a good thing. Spend some time considering your type and why it might change.

If you think it could be a positive shift, be open and positive in pursuing the person. If you do decide to pursue this person, keep an open mind and allow yourself to have new experiences. Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. Log in Facebook.

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He’s Just Not Your Type (and That’s a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It

But now research has shown that, to some degree, we actually date a similar type of person again, and again. Psychologists at the University of Toronto analysed data from a nine-year study in Germany that looked at the personality traits — including extraversion, conscientiousness, agreeableness, neuroticism, and openness — of individuals, as well as their ex and current partners, based on self-report.

Science says you do. Credit: Stocksy. Which is actually quite alarming. Should I do some emotional inner work to try and change that, or do I just to find the right guy within the type?

No, ‘someone nice’ is not the right an answer! AddThis Sharing I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked “What’s your type?” (タイプは?.

No moment is quite as ironic as the one when you look back on your dating history and realize you’ve been dating the same type of person your entire life. So that’s why it’s never worked out! But in all seriousness, it’s so common to have a specific “type” of person you always look to date — whether it’s athletes, artists, intellectuals, and everything in between — and veering away from that type can be challenging.

When you find yourself ready or about to start dating someone who’s not your type , it’s important to remember the benefits that branching out can really have. In his blog, FrankTalks , dating coach Frank Kermit defined what a type really is. But other times, the very type of person we are most attracted to is exactly the type of person that is simply incompatible as a long-term partner. The most important thing to keep in mind when you’re ready to start dating outside your typical type is to keep an open mind about the possibilities this person might bring, Shula Melamed , MA, MPH, and well-being coach says.

Even if you don’t think you and this person will work together, just trying to date outside your type can really improve your love life, Melamed points out. By being open to it, you may find “the missing link in having better relationships,” she says. But it can be important to keep in mind that, ” going outside your type might cause challenges in some ways, and if these challenges arise, [don’t] try and turn this person into someone they are not,” she continues.

You’re a total gem, and the person you’re considering dating probably is, too. Maybe they’re a ruby, and you usually prefer sapphires, but that’s fine! But both are gems with wonderful qualities, nonetheless.

Here’s Why You Should Date Someone Who Isn’t Your Type

Enter your mobile number or email address below and we’ll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer – no Kindle device required. To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number. Would you like to tell us about a lower price? In He’s Just Not Your Type And That’s a Good Thing , a relationship expert and dating columnist shares her counterintuitive approach to lasting love: encouraging women to date their “non-types.

As serial daters, they are attracted to the same type of man time and again.

It’s not that we’re intentionally being picky, it just isn’t that easy to break out of our habit when we have a certain “type” that we’re going far.

My friends had certainly heard me say this line a few times. And the guy I married was also not my type! The three love stories below were the standouts in my life. I met my first love in university. He was my classmate for four years — the entire uni time. At first I never thought he was anything special. He was not tall. He was not more intelligent than I was. I was bossy and he was more of a follower.

But then for some reasons we became friends. And then we became really close friends. He was a gentleman. He cared for me and he always looked after me.

He’s not your type and that’s good

Who does this punk think he is? I fumbled in my purse and looked at the girl to my right, thinking she might make some conversation. I had just moved to Virginia and was watching Sherlock Holmes with a group of friends. Somehow this guy ended up next to me. I was wearing dark bootcut jeans, a nice blouse and heels. You like to look sophisticated.

“I’d say whether [people] think they have a type or not, they do tend to end up rarely joyful, it’s not too surprising that Park confirms dating someone who might have you ready to fling your dating shoes out of the window in.

Skip navigation! Story from Dating Advice. Kasandra Brabaw. As much as fairy tales and rom-coms make us want to believe in love at first sight , we’re pretty sure that’s a myth. Most people don’t fall in love upon looking at someone lust, however, is a different story. Yet, many of us still give the idea of a “spark” aka instant attraction a powerful place in our dating lives. Spark is the whole reason that we can make snap-judgements on dating apps like Tinder.

Should You Consider Dating Someone You’re Not Attracted To?

We just somehow continue to select or attract similar partners over and over again without stopping to connect the dots and realize what they all have in common. In dating outside of my type, I started by stripping away the most superficial qualities that I consider when deciding whether or not to engage. The idea behind the last two standards is not to be a snob, but stems from value given to being paired with an equal — someone who is at least in a position comparable to my own.

We fall on hard times beyond our control. Perhaps for some, being passionate about a job takes precedent over how much it pays. I want to be careful with this because we can get ourselves into trouble by dating potential.

According to Tebb, dating someone outside your comfort zone forces to your type gives you that sense of comfort that exploring may not give.

I know, right? You would think that this is the kind of topic that doesn’t even warrant a full-on article. Yet, the more I thought about my own personal experiences, the kind of conversations that I’ve had with married couples about it, and a video that I recently watched, it is my personal belief that the answer isn’t quite as black-and-white or cut-and-dried as it might appear on the surface. But before I get into all of that, because I know that a lot of people will process, “Should you consider dating someone you’re not attracted to?

Mostly because, as my favorite quote on settling by writer Maureen Dowd states, “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. Still, I don’t really believe that it’s an automatic that you should never consider someone that you aren’t attracted to. One reason is because initial attraction can lean a bit on the shallow side of things more on that in a sec.

Another reason is because, as a very wise man said in his video entitled, ” Attraction vs. Connection: ‘Bro, you ‘Wifed’ the wrong one! I tend to agree with him we’ll explore a bit more of his commentary in a moment as well. Giphy Attraction is powerful. There’s no questioning that.

When you Fall for Someone Who Just isn’t your Type

You probably know what your ideal qualities are in a potential mate. In the study, published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology , a team of researchers led by Jehan Sparks conducted two experiments designed to test whether our romantic ideals match up with our romantic reality. In the first study, participants went on a blind date and reported back. In the second, participants nominated five friends and gave them a desirability ranking.

Research Says Your “Type” Might Not Actually Predict Who You End Up dating​. Whatever ideal qualities you look for in a partner probably.

Kind of like a Michael Hutchence-Jon Snow dream combination. He was as far from my “type” as possible. He was a blonde courier whose main interest was being physically fit. That was about it. Sure, he was nice and funny, but certainly not the cultured intellectual I was used to. There was no way he was going to visit the art gallery with me, for example.

Maybe cerebral connections were overrated. But for me, my main interest in him stemmed from his buff body. Post continues after video. Looking back, it’s absurd that I was with him at all. I didn’t find his face to be particularly handsome, and we had few things in common – whether it was hobbies or political beliefs, we were different and even opposed. I suspected that I was also an exercise in “out of the box” dating for Nate.

I wasn’t like any of the athletic, skinny, younger party girls he usually courted. If anything, I was that female version of the dark, rock’n’roll-obsessed artist that I usually fancied.

Should You Date Against Your “Type”?